Presenting Debutante Maria Garcia-Kalb and
101 Ways to Torture Your Husband
~ William Congreve
Although Maria Garcia-Kalb is excited and proud to be the first of The Debutante Ball Class of 2010 to appear in a bookstore near you with 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband, she’s also a bit dazed. After all her dream was to become a vet, a job quickly replaced by the idea of following in Barbara Walter’s’ footsteps…yet here she is a published author!
Deb Maria explained her journey as a writer when introducing herself in the September 3, 2009 post, Hello folks! Is this thing on????. When TV didn’t beckon, but FM radio did, Maria found her niche:
“Little did I know radio would be my salvation (sounds of angels singing). The second I cracked open my first live microphone, I knew I had finally found my place in the universe. I slowly discovered who I really was, growing along with my listeners who pushed me to be incredibly creative, outrageously silly, and brutally honest–which turns out is my special gift. I opened-up about my tumultuous marriage, my wacky Latino family, and my Uncle Larry’s cat who he swears was gay. I held nothing back. My life on the air was an open book, and one day I actually said ‘“I think I’m going to write a book about how annoying men can be, and how we should be allowed to strangle them at will when they behave like idiots!”’
“Years later, I found myself in the basement of our Long Island home actually penning what would become “101 Ways to Torture Your Husband.” Frankly, the end result looked more like Ted Kaczynski’s “manifesto,” and when I was done, it was so juicy I wanted to share it with every woman I know. Married, dating, engaged, internet-involved…it didn’t matter. Anyone who was forced to deal with a MAN needed to get a hold of my book and discover ways to alleviate the stress. That’s what men cause 99.9 percent of the time. Trust me, I couldn’t have written a book without having my dear spouse, but men are mostly put into our lives to remind us about Eve’s bone-headed move in paradise. Men never let us forget that, but 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband is basically payback in book form. I mean “WE” didn’t force Eve to listen to that stupid snake and scarf down the apple! Why should we suffer with no retaliation? 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband evens the score once and for all. It’s basically a handy “manual,” explaining (in detail) stuff you can do to drive your man bonkers in a most insidious way. Torture doesn’t have to be ugly. It can be fun and entertaining.”
In other words, Deb Maria’s writing is pure humor. And, on her attorneys’ advice, she even offers the following DISCLAIMER: “This is just for fun and amusement, and not intended to serious hurt your significant other in any way.”
Here’s Early Praise for 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband:
“Deliciously devilish…and downright hilarious! Love it!”__Jill Zarin, “The Real Housewives of New York City”
“A perfect blend of fantasy and laughter. I wish all my patients would read this book!”__Manhattan therapist Carrie Gelber Rosenfield, PsyD
And, according to the book’s description, readers will discover that;
“101 Ways to Torture Your Husband” is a fun, devilish manual for every wife who dreams of making her husband pay for his naughty wrongdoings.
While the title refers to “husbands,” boyfriends and lovers are also included, and can suffer the same consequences when they drive their woman insane! Sure, it’s a passive-aggressive way to seek revenge, but boy will you feel better afterwards!
How many times have you asked your husband to do a simple task like “bathe the dog” only to watch him take off with his buddies just moments later leaving you to do the dirty deed? When was the last time he did something nice for you like take the kids to the park while you relax for a whole hour? Does he ever to anything without being asked? Are you fed-up with his incredible selfishness and inconsiderate behavior? Well girlfriend, this book is for you!!
Even if you don’t execute any of the hilarious scenarios, 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband is guaranteed to lighten your mood and put a smile on your face – at least until your man comes home demanding dinner!
So what are some of the author’s clever means of torture? Well there’s burying the remote in the backyard; having lunch with an ex; picking a fight during the (football/basketball/baseball) game; booking a male masseuse for your next massage; deleting his DVR recordings…and many more. Aha, you “get” the idea that such torture is designed to annoy and frustrate him to the point that he’ll “never misbehave again.”
Perhaps, although Deb Maria has that covered too by including risk factors that rank the degree of a torture tactic and how long it will take your man to learn his lesson. This allows you to select what would be the most appropriate torture — be it mental, physical, quick, slow or miscellaneous.
On the last page of her “manual,” the writer recaps why torturing your husband is permissible. However the true conclusion may well have been written in Debutante Maria Garcia-Kalb’s December 17, 2009 post, Dedications can make for altercations. Please read the entire piece, though the most significant and loving sentiments are:
“Just in case you haven’t figured it out, “101 Ways to Torture Your Husband” is all about my dear hubby. Yes, its about “torturing” him of course, but in the end, every single page in my book was inspired by this man who’s been everything to me; friend, lover, father, therapist, co-parent, and at some point (in the hopefully very distant future) he’ll become my annoying nursing home roommate. Lord give me strength.”
101 Ways to Torture Your Husband is available for purchase now. Read and enjoy it…as long as you truly love someone!
Book Giveaways: The Divining Wand will be awarding two copies of 101 Ways to Torture Your Husband by randomly drawing from the comments left on this post before the deadline of Sunday, January 10, 2010 at 7:00 P.M. EST with the winners to be announced in Monday’s post. Please remember that the Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood Giveaway contest remains open to all who comment on this post. The deadline for comments is 7:00 p.m. EST tonight with the the winners to be announced in tomorrow’s post.
